There’s a right way and a wrong way to make a sandwich. Mine is the right way, and Mama’s…well, she can’t be right all the time, can she?

We agree that you should lay out both pieces of bread or the two halves of a bun, whichever you prefer. We agree that you should gather your remaining ingredients before proceeding.

Where we differ has to do with how you apply those ingredients to said bread. Take, for example, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (or, as I like to call it, a “hamburger sandwich” because, when you look at it from the side, it sort of looks like a hamburger is in there).

Mama spreads either jam or peanut butter first on one half of the sandwich then wipes the butter knife on the clean half. No, no, no! She doesn’t realize that she’s just contaminated that half of the bread, and this is clearly unacceptable. Witness:

Now, you could use a clean knife for the other half of the sandwich, but I vastly prefer this method:

From there, Mama spreads jam or peanut butter on the other half and then puts the two halves together. Again, this is unacceptable, as sometimes, two jam halves are better than a half with peanut butter. Or maybe you don’t need anything on the second half. She doesn’t even ask first!

Sometimes I need help spreading the jam all the way to the edge of the bread, but I would still consider this the first meal I can make myself. And that’s not half bad, no matter how you slice it.

Love, Jude

*Mama would like me to point out that she does not condone the cleaning of even the dullest of knives with your tongue.